Saturday, July 18, 2009

July Almost Over?

I truly cannot believe July is almost over. I haven't had time to post lately, sorry. It has been a hellish month so far. My grandmother is not adjusting well to being in the nursing section and it has been very hard on me. She keeps blaming me for putting her there and has been very cruel with her words. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is not her anymore and that if she were still in her right mind, she would not be that way with me. She is refusing to eat and take her medications, therefore, that is another stress. I am at my wits end, tired of being called on a daily basis about issues with her and worried sick.

I just turned 35 July 7th, but I feel as though I have aged ten years in the last month. I look so much older than I am, which really sucks! I try very hard to take good care of myself, eat right and exercise, but stress sure does take its toll on ones body. I am literally hanging on by a thread. Husband is still out of work and it is very difficult to be around his constant negative attitude. I am an optimistic person, but when you are around someone who is NOT optimistic it tends to wear you down. Due to the unemployment for six months and counting I have to make very tough decisions on our financial situation. I try to get his input on things, but the communication between us in the last few months has been very scant and constantly interrupted. I almost feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown and that scares me. I have way too much on my plate and DO NOT have time for a breakdown.

School is going well so far. I didn't do very well on one of my tests in Law and Ethics, but it has been a very bad month. I have since brought my grade up, but it is disheartening when you are working so hard, but can't devote the time you need to something so important to you due to constant family chaos.

I am working on trying to let go and have others help me, but it is a work in progress. It is also a work in progress getting others to help me, especially with my grandmother. Best advice I can give to those of you that have aging parents or grandparents; just because they may not be themselves any longer, doesn't mean they don't need you to still be a part of their lives. Please go visit them, even if it is just for fifteen minutes. They may or may not remember your visit, but for the moments you are there, they do love it.

I suppose I could go on and on about how horrible things have been for the summer so far, but I need to also remember how blessed I am too, which isn't easy when things are so chaotic. I have great friends who are encouraging and supportive, two healthy smart kids, a home, food and a husband who love me.

This too shall pass.........